Drink up that lack of control
After a long week of apartment flooding repairs they finally wrapped it up today. Let me tell you the disorder, the chaos, the lack of control I felt was beyond aggravating. When things are outside of our control it can sometimes feel like an overwhelming cloud is hanging over us. These unexpected forces tend to wreak havoc on our daily lives in a real big way, even if it may seem not apparent. These obstacles come up and bring more of the same. Remember why? That’s right, the law of attraction, like attracts like. That is why I had a lot of anxiety this week and all it did was bring the pimple to a head and finally it burst.
We love to think that we are in control of things outside of ourselves. Like for instance my one tire was slowly losing air so I decided that I was going to go and fill it today. I could of fixed it yesterday but I was so caught up in being home because of the repairs and seeing my brother that I neglected it. I figured it could of waited but boy was I wrong. Driving on a flat tire was not what I had planned today but I went to the repair shop to get it fixed. Now I was already overwhelmed because the apartment was so messy and the whole stock market thing and now this tire. It drained me and made me feel like my luck had truly deserted me. Normally I am extremely lucky and have all the wonderful things happen but todays tire fiasco just brought me to a point. That point was I need to feel relief and that these events do not reflect my self worth or what I have right now.
Moments later after I found that truth my bf Nick texted me, “the apartments finally done.” I had a huge weight released from my shoulders. I hopped online to my stocks and decided to get rid of the ones that were causing stress and again another weight off my chest. A few moments later my new tire was on, rotation and alignment and finally a sigh of relief. I made it through those things not because I needed to cease control back of the things around me, but because I was able to find the inner peace within me and allow that to be my beacon. I know how fast you can go from 0 to 60 when it comes to life events but here is a secret. Nothing outside of you, not your job, your wallet, your career, your family, your friends, your whatever, determines your worth or how to feel. Only you can do that. You decide your own level of involvement when it comes to you.
It took me a week to get to that point and now I look at it and realized all those obstacles only truly proved that I got this. That life may derail things outside of me or not go the way I planned but that is okay. It’s temporary. It doesn’t mean I suck, I’m lame, Im inadequate, but instead it enforces the fact that I am a badass boss bitch. The next step for me will be learning to create tools for myself that I can use next time I turn into a space cadet of worry. Those tools will bring me back down to planet earth. The obstacles are humbling but also they create even more character and strength. That is why they exist, that is why they are beautiful in a sick way. They make you even more amazing then you were the day before.
You thrive and succeed because of the obstacles, the mistakes, the failures, the inadequacies, because those are learning tools to get better. If you knew where you were going, what fun would that actually be. Picture it, you know your next 5 years. Imagine how boring it is because you know everything that’s going to happen. But with uncertainty it is actually a weapon you can harness to challenge that picture of where you will be 5 years from now. How? Because it tests you, sharpens you, hones you, humbles you, until you are sharp and formidable. That is why embracing change and loving uncertainty will be the next challenge I give myself.
When you learn to love the fear that uncertainty brings then it changes the game from anxiety and worry to exhilaration and momentum. Lean into the fear, lean into the obstacles and be ready to come out the otherwise even more brilliant. What is one thing that has been stressing you out, or many things? Write them down for me. Then I want you to picture your life right now without those things. Look at all the times you struggled and overcame. The times you found a way or changed your whole game play. Now I want you to see these things as outside of yourself, outside your body. Imagine it like a kaleidoscope. It’s a picture that changes and transforms. Does looking into the kaleidoscope change you? In your core? Does it reflect your self worth, the love you have for yourself or any quality you possess? No right because its a picture that is outside of you that you just get to experience. They are experiences you get to be in-(being). That is why when things are difficult in the external world it’s best to find inner peace so that you can know you got this.
I know it may be difficult to see this, you may even make excuses like you don’t know. You don’t walk in my shoes. You’re right I don’t but I do know that is the story you tell yourself. That is the mentality you chose to make your reality. And I can’t change that even if I wanted to. You can bring a horse to water but you can’t make it drink. So if I were you and I was making all those excuses for why I couldn’t I’d go right up to the water and take a huge gulp because I’m thirsty as hell for reasons why I can. Drink up my friends. Gamble on yourself. You have to spend the rest of your life with you, so why not?
Today was a 10. Even with the stress I’m still at a 10. The shift from last year is amazing :)