Pain behind the smile
There is so much pain in the world. You look into the eyes of a friend, a neighbor, a stranger and there it is looking back at you. They don’t talk about their loneliness, their heartache, their past, their pain. Instead they mask it with smiles that may be half hearted and laughs that help for a moment to forget. The reason I bring this up is because you never know what someone has been through, is going through or living. Reality is different for each of us, yes logically we have our societal reality but the individual one is much different. We get lost in ours and sometimes our own pain causes us to become selfish to see someone else’s.
So many times people don’t want to talk about the depths of their lives. Me, OMG I LOVE IT! Sure let’s talk about how cute that dress looks, but I need way more. It’s not that I’m not interested in the dress, I’m just more interested in your soul. What makes you tick, who are you, how did you grow up. What are your fears and desires. What are your dreams. What holds you back. These things are my bread and butter. I love to talk about this and for most it seems intrusive, too deep, overwhelming. But for me I can talk about all of this for hours. I mean I have done it before. It’s hard for me to connect with people, not because I can’t but because I want that underneath layer. I want the soul layer. Sure it’s cool that you play video games, now we have common interests. That just makes it more fun for me. But I want to know how you loved playing soccer when you were a kid because it fueled your heart.
My quiet is not because I have a lack to say, it’s because I love to watch and listen. I see body language, mannerism, quirks, and even lies. I can be a human lie detector sometimes and I should point it out but I feel rude. Or maybe it’s just cause I don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings. Unless you get me a drink, then I am full blown, let’s have a deep conversation and sometimes intrusive one. Some can attest to this. But I’m a rare social drinker, not really my thing.
The reason I bring up the pain is because why don’t we talk about these things? Like what is so wrong to talk about the shit that bothers you? Why is it that we feel shame, or fear talking about our depths? Why is it that superficial likes is more “important” then ones that make deep meaningful conversations? Why do we instead mask the very essence of what has made us, us? All that pain made you who you are right now. It shaped your choices, shaped what you did, or didn’t do, yet we call it skeletons in our closet. Or that you should see a therapist. I see a therapist and it’s wonderful, not knocking that. But why is it we hide ourselves to everyone around us. We put highlight reels up to prove “we are fine and well.” But then go into a deep depression because our pain is so heavy that we don’t know how to even stand anymore. This blog was me trying to help others see that my pain and past has made me who I am, and I want to share that with everyone. It was my way of breaking this superficial status quo of How are you, I’m fine bs. I wanted to be open about it so others have courage to have conversations about their depths. Because you are not alone in the world with that pain. Everyone has it. Don’t let those beautiful fun selfies fool you. And if you need someone to talk to about it feel free to send me a message on here. I am here for anyone who needs someone, who needs love and acceptance. So I hope you have a wonderfully magic night and a blessed day tomorrow. Remember pain can be let go anytime, you just have to chose to heal from it.
Today was a 9!