What you’re not changing you’re choosing.
What does this mean? If there are things you are unhappy with in your life and instead of changing them you stay with them that means you are actively choosing to keep them in your life. Say what? Yea that is right. Change is scary and we avoid it and instead stay stuck in this comfortable unhappy life, but you can choose at any point to change anything in your life. You can wake up tomorrow and realize that what you’re doing isn’t making you happy and then leave. That means we have free will to do whatever we want but a lot of the times we do what is deemed “right” by society, meaning a 9-5, marriage, kids and a house but that may not be what makes you happy.
So what are you chasing right now? Does it make you happy that you are choosing this rather than doing something that will fulfill you and make you happy? Are you trying to make a relationship work even though it’s the same shit day in and day out? Are you living in a job or career that is just a paycheck and doesn’t leave you smiling at all? Are there area’s of your life that are wreaking havoc on your happiness that you are just brushing to the side in hopes that something will come in and change it? Well whatever the case is you have to be the one to change it.
We have to actively participate in our lives, that is what work means. That we are actively chasing our own happiness despite comfort and security. But that unknown is a real scary thing. That unknown keeps us in place rather than pushing us to march forwards. I understand all to well. I took a huge risk and opened up my wellness studio in hopes to get out of being in a small room and get out onto a stage. I want to touch many lives rather than 1 at a time and become something more then just a massage therapist. That is why I broke my mold, or did I?
The thing is I am still doing the same tasks as I was in that single room. I am working on one person at a time and booking myself further and further out with this. And yes don’t get me wrong a part of me absolutely loves it but the other part of me craves much more. I want more depth and fulfillment when it comes to healing others and on a much more wider scale. Yet I still have actively not chosen to change it. See this is what it means that if you aren’t changing then you’re choosing. I am still choosing to be a massage therapist, something that is comfortable and everyone knows me as rather than daring to adventure outside of this. All because I built my name up, all because I built my reputation on this, all because its safe and I am able to make the money I need to survive, but it becomes a job rather than a way to fulfill myself.
There are a lot of people who want to be able to work when they want and not worry about finances and I am definitely on that page as well. I miss the days that I was able to do massage not as a means to live but as a means to heal. That was when my heart was fully invested in a way that I truly was a healer. But after it became my means for survival that is when it became the chore, became the job and I hate that mentality and that feeling. Because massage is my art form, I love healing others and being able to take someone’s pain away. I love watching someone light up as they get off the table and the pain is gone and their face literally is in shock. I love watching them get off the table and feel lighter and pain free. There is nothing more rewarding then giving others healing.
So what does this mean for me? Finding a way to turn it from a single into many. How can I achieve this? How can I become more than just 1 person in a room helping 1 person at a time? Once I am able to find a way to do this that allows me my creative expression and voice while holding true to my values you bet I am going to dive 100% into it. I guess this means choosing not to change until I decide that its time to change? When do we decide when we are finally ready for change? When does enough become enough that we just grow so tired of it that we just are like no more of this I’m remodeling my life! What has to happen for us to get to that point? I have been there before where I was absolutely done with things as they were, but I don’t know what was the catalyst for that change.
I know this seems like a complaining blog entry and I suppose it is. Probably because I’ve been feeling a little defeated with my back being all sorts of wonky. Tomorrow I go for my MRI and I hope that I am able to find something to help ease it. Anyways I hope you be the change you want to see my friends and don’t hold yourself back from happiness.
Today was a 6