Forgiveness

To forgive is to allow yourself to stop being angry or upset by someone else’s transgressions or your own. That is a whole new level of freedom. Knowing that, do you see how by forgiving it’s not about the other person, it’s about freeing yourself from a life of chains. You stew on things, and those little bits eat away at your insides. Slowly making you more bitter, putting up more walls, and can cause a relapse. Meaning that those things done to you or you did to you will keep cycling in your life. To forgive I believe is a lesson to stop the madness. When we forgive we let go of our need to control, and that perpetual cycle that keeps happening same circumstances different situation, well that dissolves.

For instance, say someone calls you fat and makes fun of you. Those words hurt your feelings because they are meant to be mean. You may be larger but that shouldn’t matter, the words still cut you. So then you sit on them, your young adult life is now shapen around words used to hurt you. It becomes your reason for shoveling more food down your gut. Those words wrapped around your throat like a chain slowly cutting into your flesh. Engraved on your mind. Even if you don’t think them the subconscious does and it makes sure you remember. Years go by and your world stopped all because someone else’s bullying. Let’s say this is something that happened to you. Let’s say that instead of allowing those words to become your foundation of who you are you instead forgave them. Used them for fuel? Let’s say that instead of taking those words as a sharp knife you instead used them as a blanket by the fire. Perhaps you took those words to heart because it was truth and to be shamed when you already felt ashamed, well that was the last straw. Perhaps you never wanted to acknowledge it? Perhaps you were trying to do everything to not be it. Whatever the reason allow it to be forgiven. Because imagine this. Instead of allowing your life to be spent in a purgatory of others words you forgave them. You looked inside and asked why did that hurt me so much. Why did this persons actions hurt me? Find out why you were hurt by someone else, because given the chance to reflect I bet your own inner mind has been even crueler to you then someone else. Maybe it reminds you of what you do to yourself? Maybe it hurt because it was mean. If you find the ability to forgive and practice this then that hurt will no longer cause you insecurity, or blame, or shame, or passing your control to another. Instead it will have no control over you at all, bouncing right off of you.

I practice forgiveness on the daily. I have for some time now, and it can be hard. There are times I feel I have forgiven a lifetime of sorrows then they come hurdling at me like a tidal wave. Hey remember when this happened? I bet you want to be all sad now. That’s my inner mind except it is probably way worst then this. I think forgiveness is a process like grief. I think you cycle through the emotions until you are able to truly let go. In that process you can get stuck and stay attached to one emotion. And when you are ever ready to move to the next step you hesitate because wait, it’s comfortable hating. It’s comfortable being sad. It’s comfortable here in the shit. Why? Because I think that forgiveness isn’t for anyone other then yourself. It’s not about other people. It’s about you. Underneath all the hurt is just you, and what happens when you let go of everything else? What happens when your life is fully yours, you no longer allow others actions or words to hurt you? What happens when under all the shit you are just left with you. That’s a pretty hard truth to face. We stay in the hurt because having to face our weaknesses, our own inadequacies, our own faults, well that’s so much harder then blaming someone else. But if you are able to look into that mirror and forgive what you see, forgive what you have done, forgive how you feel about yourself. I think that is when we truly allow our inner demons to be defeated. Sure we will always have something inside us being that devil on the shoulder, but it won’t be because of those chains of punishment dragging us down.

I challenge you to work on forgiving someone or yourself for something. Take that old grudge and be the first person to speak to the other. Allow that ego to get out of the way and face that person you loved once. Forgive yourself for not being perfect. Forgive yourself for not doing so many things that you want to do. Don’t beat yourself up because you are comparing yourself to someone else’s accomplishments. Allow yourself to just forgive. There will be resistance. There will be ego. But I say forgive anyways. Don’t hold onto that hurt, because all it is going to do is cause depression and low self worth.

Today I am at a 6.