Commit & Re-commit
Lately I have been questioning why I am even doing this blog. I wonder to myself would it help anyone or is it helping me either? I mean lately it has felt like a chore to even do this, and yesterday for the first time I missed an entry. I woke up at 1 30 and was like OMG I need to do it, but then I had an idea. It’s okay not to be perfect. It’s okay that you missed one entry. I know I am striving to prove to myself that I can stick with something. That I can commit to something fully.
I am not writing yesterdays entry I am leaving it blank for a reason. I forgot and was not committed to my cause. When I first began this I had a fire and passion in my heart to help those who have been through trauma and to help them. To let them know they aren’t alone and to feel like they have a safe space to come to. You watched as I went through a rollercoaster myself of emotions and self realizations. This cause was because I love people and I don’t want to see anyone suffer even if suffering creates character.
So here I am recommitting to my work, to my writing. Finding Joy in it again and giving myself a break from missing yesterday. Sure it sucks, sure I feel as if I failed but I am not going to let one day offset the rest of this. Now let me ask you, has there been a time in your life where you stopped doing something just because it felt like a chore? We’re you able to recommit to it and remember your reasons for doing it? Or did you allow that one mistake or quitting to tell you that you should not even try? Because if you stopped something you love maybe you needed a break from it. Maybe, or maybe you need to recommit to it.
Someone once said I don’t love things for very long. I believed that person which I don’t even know why. Maybe because of my fear of confrontation. But it isn’t true. I love things all the time. It’s the noise in my head and the fear in my heart that gets in the way of me sticking with it. Something I am going to be working through in therapy. My problem is that I love the thing so much. It takes work to love, but to give up and seem uninterested that is easy. I love crossfit, I love writing. I love putting on my headphones and getting up to the bar with a friend and pushing my limits. I love jui-jitsu. I love writing this blog. I love drawing and hiking and so many more things. The problem is my lack of commitment. Not my lack of love for something.
So this is the path I am going to walk. To commit to things fully even if it scares me or takes work. I love writing this everyday and feeling the small accomplishment of getting one of my projects done. Because this is one of my projects. To stick with it for a year, even if it is just for me. I ask you, are you wanting to commit to something for yourself? Have you been wanting to pick an instrument up and start learning? Have you always wanted to learn to do stained glass? Then just commit to the process and know that its going to take work and effort. Remember the cycle you make a choice that gives you the high then you have to recommit throughout, recognizing the reasons you first made the choice to begin with. It is dedication and love. I am okay missing one day because today I recommit to this blog and myself about this blog. How about you are you ready to recommit to yours?
Today I woke up at a 6 but I am challenging myself to get to an 8 by the end of the day! Usually I have been writing my blog later in the day so I am going to work on doing it in the morning again.