Death and life cycles
Death is an illusion, a frequented thought that questions our mortality. But as Albert Einstein says, “Energy cannot be created or destroyed, it can only be changed from one form to another.” Thus death is not really the end of all as we know it, just the beginning of something we don’t.
In our existence we go through many lives. I’m not talking past lives, I’m speaking about you and your lifetime right now. As we grow we evolve, we change, and with every end of a cycle we transform into something new. I’m speaking of course on part of the ego, that identity we cling so desperately to that tells us who we are, our morals, our character, our wants, desires and so on. Through our lifetime here we are constantly growing. If you fight growth and change then you prevent evolution and transformation. This is where a lot of negative mentalities come into play. Where people use external resources to fill voids within. But if you bring awareness to your cycles, your habits, all the things that make your ego alive then you can in part transform into the next life by experiencing the death of what was.
Being reborn isn’t necessarily your body ceasing all functions and thought ending, it is the death of the old you. The societal you that you created based on trauma, emotions, identities, external forces. That part of you clings to be alive and thusly when you are afraid of something that is merely it’s attempts to stay alive. So once you cave to that fear you in turn keep that Ego in tact. And once this happens that is when the same patterns, the same dramas and habits will keep occurring. You keep perpetuating the same life because its safe and sure. But it’s also there as a lesson to help you grow from it. But it is up to you to embrace the lesson and let that old way of existing die off.
I went through this over the past 4 years. That is when my real work began. After the breakup with my ex I had no idea how I would recover. Back then I believed in happily ever afters, fairy tales, and fate. So when that whole “twin flame” came to an end my whole foundation was shattered. He was someone who transformed me into who I am now and am so grateful for it. The things we went through helped me to see what I didn’t want anymore and what I wasn’t willing to accept. That ending was a new beginning for me in the sense that now I had to kill the ego that was attached to so many things. The first year of it brought nothing but more uncertainty and hate and low self worth. I climbed deeper into my own darkness and finally at the bottom of things I found bedrock. I met people who I no longer want to interact with because they were exactly like my family. I shedded old beliefs that I had to care for everyone, that I had to save everyone, that I was not worth being a priority. That I was selfish and shy. That I had nothing to offer. Those little pieces of self doubt wilted and fell off this body like ashes in the wind.
Quarantine was the final blast of cold air that shattered me. It took all of the work over the past few years and tested me. It showed me truth after truth after truth until finally I was so beaten, and down that something snapped in me. That’s when I felt the death of the old self. But it wasn’t until months after that I realized I wasn’t depressed because of all those stories I told myself, I was depressed because who I was died. Since then I have never felt more free and even now I embrace what is coming. I’m actively taking steps to change the things that no longer serve me and I am eager to share with everyone that news.
But the thing is that old Hope died, that scared, meek, hidden little girl is gone. She doesn’t exist anymore and for that I am beyond grateful because she was nothing compared to who I am now. I am glad that I got to experience that lifetime because it served me well. It led me to meet so many people, to grow into someone truly amazing, but now I am a badass goddess who is about to leap into the fires of my soul work. I’ve seen the gates of hades along my journey, fought my demons and now I am being reborn into my life changed. No longer a chameleon blending into others, no longer a scared victim. Death is only the beginning my friend so instead of staying in your comfortable little bubble. Instead of being like well this is the way I’ve always been and its working for me, challenge it. Question that very fabric of your being because when you do that is when you change into so much more. If you think that your reality is the way it is then it will be the way you see it. You determine your own level of involvement. You chose how to invest. Will it be in yourself? Or will you continue to invest in the external world that keeps you safe from change. The choice is yours.
Today was a 10.