Re-Opening the world
As the world slowly starts to open and I finally find that I am a part of phase 3 I am left wondering Why did I have to close for so long to begin with. I have not been working since March 18th, and have felt the stress of it like so many others. I am so ready to open at this point. I have been patient and understanding and a hot mess all in the span of this. We have all gone through our own personal hells along with the external world twisting us into knotted messes. But it’s time to shake off the cobwebs and begin the process of going back into the world.
Did I use this time to the best quality I could have? Probably not, but I am grateful for it. I have learned so much about myself during this time. The person who I want to be and the person I am currently do not match up and the work I have to do is going to be long but worth it.
Did I feel that I grew from this experience? Yes, absolutely. I learned what is not serving me and what isn’t. I have been working on discovering where I want to go in life and what I have to do to get there. I’ve thought of changing careers, I have thought about moving my practice, I have thought so many different things that my head was swimming.
What am I most excited for when I re-open! Touching people. Hahaha but seriously touching people. Touch is how I communicate. Yes I can have a conversation, but to touch someone for me is healing for both me and the other person. It is my art form.
Are there new protocols and guidelines to follow? Yes of course there are. It’s post 2020 covid-19. The new normal is dealing with stuff like this. I am implementing guidelines to make sure everyone stays healthy and safe.
What was the craziest thing you experienced during this lockdown? Well I mean you probably read it in one of my blog entries but the depression. I’ve dealt with depression all my life but during this time it was so intense. But the thing that I learned from it is this, I feel loss of love sometimes when I am alone. Which during this isolation I was home alone all day. This triggered my depression and now that I understand this I will be able to learn coping mechanisms and how to deal with it.
Am I happy in my field and happy to re-open. Yes to the re-open, and the field question is both yes and no. During this time I was unable to work and that put me in a powerless position. I was told I was non-essential and that I couldn’t open. It made me question my career and what I should do if something like this ever happens again. I am happy with massage therapy but at times I get burnt out and overworked on it. That is when I need to find an alternative. So that is what I have been trying to uncover during this lockdown. What could I do on the side to provide me flexibility, reliability, and stability that I would enjoy doing. It would provide me with enough time to recover and create that income I need to prosper.
Is there anything you would change about how you spent your time? Yes, I think we all feel this way. There is so much more I would of loved to accomplish instead of crying and feeling scared or depressed. I would of loved to have been motivated and worked out the entire time or read more or created more content for my clients. But also the things I learned from my suffering will allow me to change. If I didn’t go through that then I would not have the awareness to see how I get in my own way. How I take things personally. How I spiral out when I am triggered. I would of never seen that I avoid conflict instead of speaking my truth. I would of never spoke my truth to my family and been ok with it. I would of never showed my vulnerability. So sure I wish I would of been more proactively externally, but internally I feel I did multiple marathons and each time got faster and faster in the finish.
I would like you to ask yourself these questions and answer them honestly. The answers may surprise you or you may see more gratitude as a result of it. How do you feel now that things are beginning to re-open? I want you to think about yourself here, not about the external world and how you can go out to eat again. Sit with yourself and think on how you feel.
Today I am at a 7. I know I am on my way to get to a 10 soon!!!