Conflict & Resolution
How do you go about conflict? Do you avoid it at all costs? Or do you stand up and engage? I know so many people that avoid conflict. Some say they are straight shooters and this boggles my mind. Not because of a judgment but because when push comes to shove their honesty is quite lacking.
People watching has become quite a hobby of mine. Watching the way someone speaks their tone and mannerisms. How their body language is, how they hold theirselves when walking. This all plays into how they handle conflict and how they interact with others.
When conflict arises in your life what is your first gut feeling? Run? Hide? Freeze? Retreat? Fight? I use to fight when I was younger, then for the longest time I avoided. But this quarantine taught me something huge, to stand up for myself. I learned my worth and saw my value. This was like a light switch and it allowed me to speak my mind to anyone and everyone? I stopped holding back and quieting myself for fear of someone else not loving me or Accepting me or talking about me. Frankly I just don’t care anymore.
So how do you handle conflict when it comes up? Well don’t come from a place of anger or negativity. In order to resolve and air grievances coming from a place of vulnerability is what creates change. Maybe not in the relationship always but for yourself. Sit one on one with the person. If your timid doing it in public may be hard. A phone call is a perfect way as well, but if the other person doesn’t want to receive it it may just become another dial tone. Don’t point blame on the other person. Make sure to take responsibility for your feelings, no one can make you feel anything. You chose to feel what you feel regardless of someone’s actions. If it starts to get heated step back. Allow yourself a moment to disengage because sometimes things are said in the heat of it. Words can be mean and saying things that you will regret only makes a situation worst. If you feel that beginning to bubble up kindly ask if you can have a moment. If they keep poking you then get out, because even the best of us can only handle our buttons pushed without a volcanic eruption. And the most important thing is once its over forgive. You said your peace now allow yourself to move forward, distance or separate. This does not have to be a continuous perpetuating cycle. To forgive allows you to move on, so take that chance and allow the change.
I have resolved a few conflicts that ate away at me over the past 3 months and now I feel as if I am able to always address situations now in control and without hiding. That is what makes me proud of myself. If its something you struggle with know you aren’t alone. Many people do. As long as you actively are working on addressing the things about yourself you wish to change then you should be proud of yourself!
Today was a 3 only because of how my body felt. I felt so hungover and I had 2 drinks in a span of 12 hours and plenty of water. I hate feeling this way.