The workout

Today I decided no more bullshit and went for it. I dived into a workout and changed it up due to the fact i didnt have all the equipment i would need.  The workout had a 15 min time cap and I just came in under the wire at 14:54. It was atrocious and after I cried for like a second and was done. 

The workout was deadbolt:

3 rounds

120 single unders (jumprope)

400 meter run

15 deadlifts at 105 cause thats all the weigh i had. 

I haven’t been able to run for a while. My legs are shit and felt that way. It was like my upper body was collapsing in on me and I just kept yelling at myself. Not in the sense of you cant do this but in the sense of listen body, im tired of your shit. Im tired of excuses and bullshit. Im tired of not breathing or feeling like a sack of shit all the time and so on. When I felt like I wanted to quit I pushed harder. I screamed louder and pushed myself to get the last rep. 

Now some of you may understand the pain and the bullshit your mentality is. Its fucking discouraging and downright lies. My health has always seemed to be an issue and partly because my mentality. Sure my fatigue and lightheadness are real but I refuse to accept it as my status quo. I spent this quarantine standing up to all those I needed to and to stop silencing myself because of fear. But now its time to stand up to the biggest fucking threat! Myself. 

How do you stand up to the one person who holds you back!? You get ugly, you get raw. During my run I said you hashed out you’re past, thats not your problem anymore. You are. That hit me hard. BecauseI knew now my present isn’t about anyone else. No ripples from past relationships, friendships or obstacles, its all me now. So what did I choose? To kick my own ass. I felt a pain in my ribs and I imagined punching myself there over and over. Not because Im a masochist but because I wanted to shift my mentality that that pain is not real. Its me trying to bend and believe I’m sick and weak and feeble. Do you know what happened? I made it. I finished the run and hustled to lift. 

What happens when you tackle yourself head on? Small changes, small steps and big results! That is what working out is, going to school, and anything else that comes my way is. Me fighting myself, me painting the picture. Your mentality is what makes or breaks you. And I don’t want to shatter like glass anymore. 

Whats something in your life you want to tackle? Maybe it’s unresolved traumas or bottled in feelings. Maybe its tackling a 5k and finishing at a certain time. Whatever it is get your mentality hat on and stand up for you against you. Cause at the end of the day thats who you fight with.

Today was a 7. A little fatigue still but getting there.