Forgiveness

One of the hardest topics for me, well maybe all of us to accomplish; forgiveness. Even if you confront this topic head on does doing the work actually work? Or do you have temporary relief until that buried artifact rears it’s ugly head again and sets you on a whirlwind. 

I have been wrestling with forgiveness for a while. Not just for others but for myself as well. The thing I have the hardest time with is forgiving others for not being better, not being empathetic to others, to not seeing me and including me. I have a hard time forgiving when I feel like an after thought, or used like I am just a treasure trove of knowledge when they need something. So why do I hold on to that instead of forgiving and letting go? 

Maybe it’s because I’ve seen a lack of change and growth in people. Maybe I don’t forgive because I don’t think people are worth forgiving. I hear the words, I’m sorry and all I can think is those things are meaningless without action. Then the actions teach me that the apologies are just words. I guess what I don’t forgive is the lack of action taken after an apology. That is why I have a hard time forgiving, because there is no substance or depth to it. It’s just a save face, but keep repeating the same actions, behaviors, and treatment. 

So what does forgiveness really mean? Forgiveness is a conscious decision to release feelings of resentment or vengeance towards a person or group who has harmed you, regardless if they deserve it or not. So whether they are worth forgiving or not it doesn’t matter. So that means forgiveness is just for yourself, to release your pain and hurt, not for anyone but you. 

What does holding on to it do anyways? Just make you blind to what’s around you, to the gratitude, to the good surrounding you. It fills you with hatred and all that comes out of your mouth is just complaints. Trust me I know. I’ve watched myself become full of anger and resentment and instead of letting it go I cling to it. I’m sure you can understand the feeling. I think it’s a human thing, or more so an ego thing. Now that’s not to say I haven’t forgiven because I have, Numerous times. But lately I’ve been so focused on what’s wrong, what caused me grief and anxiety that I get more stressed and keep the cycle going. I let the little things bother me and that’s not who I want to be. 

When I forgave those in my past it helped me grow up, mature. It allowed me inner peace when it came to those people and that feeling is wonderful. So now for the next month I am going to practice forgiveness. I want to build myself up again and my community. I want to enjoy where I work, I want to spend my day in gratitude rather than anxiety and stress. I don’t want to keep feeling this way because it makes me lose sight of my passions, my clients, my office. And that is something I refuse to keep doing. 

What is something you have been holding on too? Could you forgive it for yourself? If not what are some ways you could move closer to letting go and accepting it? What about yourself? Do you think maybe under neath it all you might just need to forgive yourself? Find peace by accepting where you are. 

Today was a 7.