Bad bitch power: Boundaries
What does it mean to be harnessing your own bad bitch power? It means not bowing down to no one. This includes not wavering in your boundaries, taking responsibility for you, empowering yourself to take action instead of inaction, being vulnerable, while flaunting 100% confidence in yourself. Yes lovey that is what it means to be a bad bitch. You aren’t afraid to lose people, you aren’t afraid to speak your truth and set your boundaries, you are confident in yourself and your abilities, and you flaunt that genuine sass that’s 100% original you. You don’t ask permission, you don’t cave to please others or impress others, you don’t give away your power, why? Because life is going to kick you down at times, people are going to kick you down, obstacles are going to kick you, why you going to do that to yourself? If you don’t love you and treat yourself like the bad bitch you are then do you think anyone else will?
Show people how to treat you by establishing boundaries. Boundaries are necessary because without them how do your friends differ from strangers if you are just free range all the time. Like quit being one of those chickens who eat garbage (complaints and degrading talk) from any willy nilly on the street, friend, family or stranger a like. Instead be one of those blue ribbon Chickens who is selective about how it eats. 100% organic, no hormones (needing validation and outside praise.) no corn (fake people who use you for any scrap they can get) It is a free range, prize winning bird. When you put up those boundaries you tell people your line, which means you don’t settle for scraps or anyone crossing them. That’s right boundaries are important my dear friend because without them then you settle for everything.
Let’s talk about what boundaries mean as an example. In the past I would of leaped at all opportunities when it came to my family for any chance of attention or love they would give me. But now I control how involved or how much I allow someone in my life because if I don’t then I am giving away myself just for the scraps. My sister is coming down next weekend. In the past I would have let her stay with me, no questions asked but me being a bad bitch who knows her boundaries I told her that I don’t feel comfortable with this. This wasn’t mean, (if it was then I guess I am mean) but this is how I feel safe when I am engaging with my family. Having a place that is mine where I can take space if I need to, especially if I am triggered or can’t handle it is crucial for me to build a better relationship with her. She is going to be staying in an airbnb with her bf which is great and now allows me to engage with her and then take respite.
This is what I mean about boundaries. It can be as simple as saying NO! The thing I can’t take is when people don’t respond to me when I have texted, emailed, or messaged. I don’t just mean a few hours or days later, I mean never. That I don’t stand for and will not tolerate because I had that done to me far to often and settled for it. Now if someone doesn’t respond I simply write them off and instead set the intention to only surround myself with those that will. I get that life happens, you forget, whatever, but if that is the case a simple response of hey I forgot to text you back, or hey I am busy message you later, or calling and being like listen my bad. So now I don’t need to make those people a priority or part of my life because my boundary is that I am a priority and if someone can’t find the time to just respond even if it’s a week later then clearly I was not important enough for them. And again I am no longer settling for scraps.
This may sound harsh or too needy, but it’s not. You are the person you have to live with for the rest of your life, are you going to allow people who don’t respond to constantly be a reminder of how you neglect yourself? Because what that shows me is that I don’t make myself a priority and that is why they treat me that way and also don’t make me a priority. That is why it’s good to identify your boundaries with others and establish them. Even if you never did before and you may lose people because you are now playing a new role in the play, don’t cave to please someone else. No is the greatest tool in setting boundaries. It is not a wishy washy statement like maybe or we will see, it is direct and can’t be misconstrued. So use it often, let’s go over some examples of setting your boundaries by simply saying no.
Let’s go back to my first example with my sister and her staying the weekend down here. When she told me she was coming down I was nervous because I knew she thought she would be staying with me. I had let her stay in the past and every time I did it only left our relationship more fragile. So when she said she was coming down I spoke up, I can’t have you staying with me this time you come down. I can help you find an airbnb or you can stay with our uncle but this time I can’t do it. She was a little hurt at first but soon got over it and eventually became happy about it because she is now doing a little getaway with her boyfriend. So it worked out for both of us.
Other examples can be like if your friends are going out and invite you. Just simply say no I am not interested or feeling it. If they try to guilt you or coax you to go re-affirm your boundaries and say No. Feelings may be hurt or there may be a shock factor but you will feel so much better staying in that you get to enjoy the present instead of watching the clock wondering when enough time has passed for you to leave. Another example can be with your family, maybe they are doing a get together and those always leave you on edge because the gossip, the questions, the drama, and you want so badly to say no and not go. Well then do it. So what if they get upset. Your mentality and life is more important than the anxiety inducing interrogation that waits for you if you go. Step up and speak up for yourself. Seriously it is okay to say NO!
I want you to do this exercise. Go look in the mirror and practice saying no. This may sound stupid but go do it. Think of something you want to say no to then practice saying no in the mirror. Watch yourself, and every time you feel more confident saying no go again. I want you to think of different times in your life where you wanted to say no or you wanted to establish a boundary. Now I want you to go and do it. Record yourself, scream, laugh, fix your face or your body language, do all the different angles, but the one thing I want you to remain constant is saying no and establish your boundaries. This exercise is to build confidence so that when the dreaded moment arises (which it will) you will think about all those moments in the mirror and tell them NO!
Being a bad bitch can be hard but it doesn’t have to be impossible. You have the power to change your life and how you engage with it. Walk into your greatness and impress yourself, like damn who a I being such a badass. That should be the stuff you live for, trying to show off to you. Helping people is wonderful, getting validation is great, but those moments where you are like wow I just impressed myself that is what you want to strive for. It’s not cocky or arrogant, it’s showing up and arriving into your own genius and loving it! Create boundaries my friends and start taking back your power and energy!!!
Today was a 10!