Perceived Saftey
We all need that in life. We need to feel safe in order to shine. But what if true safety isn’t about your external environment but within? What if what we believe is safety is actually an illusion, something we were brought up believing exists, just like happily ever after and all that. What if safety is actually confidence and unshakability in you? What if safety is a knowing that all will work out no matter what? And what we perceive as that is actually constructs we build in our mind to keep change at bay? That all we think we know is not even close to what is? Yea I am going to get all existential on you today.
For me I thought safety meant being comfortable with people and my environment. I thought it meant that when I felt its embrace I was free to be myself and show my true colors, but I don’t think thats truly what safety means anymore. What I believe true safety is is freedom to be myself always, no matter when, where, or who. What actually happens is fears kick in, fear of judgement. Fear of being left out. Fear of not being accepted. Fear of loss. Instead I perceived I wasn’t safe to share myself and be seen so instead I would stay quiet, and be on the outer perimeter of things. All because of fears. I have been afraid most my life because of these things, but not everyone is going to like you. Not everyone is going to be nice and kind. Be open to the possibility of rejection, judgement, ridicule and here is what you do with it, let it in one ear and out the other. To take what someone says about you is devaluing who you are and allowing others power over you. You take what they say in but what they say is on them. It is a reflection of them and their character. You have to be so rooted in love with you, so grounded in self worth that all that damn nonsense isn’t worth your space. Not worth your time, energy or breath.
I am a giver and have given all of myself so many times that when things are not reciprocated I am left hurt. I take it personally, and I have resentment. But that is changing, and everyday I approach every relationship with honesty and kindness. If you don’t like this then please leave, I am bending to no one anymore. Like for instance I had one friend that I opened up to and gave so much to. It felt so cool to finally connect with someone and I felt “safe.” But as the months went on in this friendships I discovered things about this person that I saw as sneaky, shady, dishonest, and many more things. Back then I took everything that happened as my fault even though this other person was also crossing numerous boundaries on my part as well. But I allowed this. I just wanted so badly to be a part of a tribe that I settled for an unworthy friend. And as time passed I grew less and less safe, and more and more angry. I tried numerous times to create a better friendship but every time I spoke I was left feeling angry and hurt. What was my safety in this relationship? There was none. Not anymore. And now I am cutting it out. What I learned from that relationship was that I should of been grounded enough in myself to be safe enough to speak my truth. To say how I was betrayed or hurt or my boundaries crossed. That is why I say safety is not in things outside yourself. It is created within. Conflict happens, relationships end and in the end you must face it with courage and a knowing you are safe because you have you. You spoke up for you. You created that safety within.
So what is safety for you? How can you create a place inside yourself where you can practice safety. Meditate on a place, create your own inner paradise and allow that to be your anchor for whenever you feel lost. For whenever you feel weak. For whenever you doubt your own fucking greatness! Let that inner safety shine through and deflect all those seeking to take or hurt you. Because you are a warrior, and you are an amazing life force!
Today I was at a 7. My low back was sooooo sore from workouts but a great day spent with woman I adore.