Giving to much
One day there was a moment in a young woman’s life where she got everything she had been dreaming. All the abundance, the wealth, the freedom all came to her like a crashing wave upon the shore. Her heart sang because now she was free to travel the world indulging in new flavors and sights. The explorers heart she possessed was filled with so much joy that everyday she woke up grateful, despite its hurdles and obstacles, gratitude was her anchor. It allowed her to always connect back to the earth, to god, to the universe and feel present. Her breath painted a picture of a world within dazzling with winded beauty.
Everyday she explored something new, the sun on her back and a smile on her face. The air always fresh and vibrant, smelling of warm sunshine. It had just been yesterday she was still stuck in the mess but when she woke up on this day none of it was there anymore. It had vanished in a flash, gone because she had accomplished the impossible. At least she thought. Every dream about reaching people with her blog finally come through. Her investments blossomed beyond her imagining. This was how she finally woke after the day before she screamed away all the loose ends that rattled her to her bones. The energies that clung to her full of desperation for her to save them. Slowly pulling at her life force, always feeding on her like she was just a succulent pig for the dinner table. But last night she finally ended that ravenous feast.
I no longer accept this as my reality she proclaimed. She screamed until she was breathless, until she allowed all the words inside her to leave her without more to say. She clawed at the strings that tied her down, that broke her will and left her body feeling weak and fatigued. Every word a clash of a sword swinging at the vampires feasting on her. More and more they poured out of her until the putrid rot that was buried deep inside her came bursting out. This was what those who feasted were leaving behind. They took for their own and her heart full of greed to provide more, to be more for them to save them, was how her days were lived. Until that moment she was the feast her family fed from and now she only feeds herself.
When you give and give and give to others constantly without boundaries, without your own needs being met this is exactly what happens. You become drained and look outside of yourself for something to fill you. Those takers have been allowed by you to take whatever they can, without words at times. You allowed for so long to let others take your peace, take your money, take your time, take your silence, take your selfcare, take this or that all because we were told we had to. Society telling us that we have to give to others without thinking of ourselves or its selfish. You have to love your family because they are blood, “its the rule.” But who the heck made that rule? I know people I love more fiercely than I do my family and love me back just as fierce. They don’t ask anything from me, instead they just keep supporting me, helping me and pushing me to be better.
This is why you have to do what is right for you. Seriously no one is going to fault you and if they do that is on them. You only have one life to live, worrying about others, letting others get in your head or take from you is not you living your best life. It’s you giving away your power to everything and everyone else instead of harnessing it like the badass bitch you are. People come and go, people die, life is constantly evolving and changing, never constant for a second, why are you going to give years or decades to something that just breaks your spirit or puts pressure on you in a bad way? Don’t you want to fly like that young woman in the story? Wouldn’t you rather get everything you want in this life than keep giving away all your hopes and dreams just to supposedly make someone else happy? (P.S. They are never satisfied because to be satisfied means you did something for yourself. Takers take because they have never worked on their self, and learned to give.) You can’t ever make anyone else happy so why are you trying so hard? You could become a millionaire tomorrow and help everyone out and still they would want and expect more. So I say fuck that, you do you and stop trying to save them. Save yourself.
Today was 7.