The Let Go

There are so many times we hold on to so much. Every feeling, emotion, incident in our lives is pushed deep into the body and that is where it stays, in the underneath of our conscious. It’s like a hum, and anytime something comes up through being triggered we immediately feel uncomfortable, we put on the t.v. or go on social media. We find distractions so that we don’t have to feel what our bodies are desperate trying to show us. And when you mash it down even further it creates dis-ease in the body. But what if we brought awareness to it? What if instead of using Tik Tok or scrolling the endless photos of instagram we embraced the very discomfort we desperately try to avoid? What could come from feeling it fully and letting go?

First let me tell you that letting go is a difficult thing to do, it’s not an overnight thing, it takes time, patience and compassion on your part. That is what I have done for the past few years myself. I went from this place where my emotions towards my family had control over me, triggering me every moment, to now acknowledging the past without it causing a reaction or even an emotion to rise. Let me tell you, by feeling the past, the abandonments, the hurts, the pains, you accept what was and then let go. It becomes just a story, no matter how bad it was or good, it just was, no longer is. The things that once dictated you no longer have the power because you take it back, you are in the drivers seat, and in full control of where the car is going. 

So how do you accept it? By acknowledging it, speaking it outloud. I feel and accept the abandonment that is arising in my body, meditate on it. Allow it to fully surface, and feel it, through crying, yelling, ripping up paper. Use a safe means to expel it from you, but make sure to feel it fully. I wrote a letter on a piece of wood, I poured my feelings into it and once I was done I reread it. I sat there with it for a moment acknowledging what it was I had brought up and then I went outside and broke that piece of wood into tiny pieces. You see I had anger that caused me to react to everything, even the smallest things. It was a survival instinct, but allowing myself to truly feel that anger helped me express it. I always thought it was bad to be angry, it’s a “bad” emotion, but it isn’t true. All emotions are good and useful, even anger. By allowing myself to feel it fully I knew what anger truly was. I thought it was this big scary monster, and believed I couldn’t feel that or I would turn into it. But it wasn’t anything like the monster beast I thought lurked there instead underneath that anger was sadness. That allowed me to truly begin my journey, peeling back the layers of my emotional onion.

Now if I had never felt that I may have continued to stay bitter and angry, oblivious to what was going on. It was a freedom for me to recognize that emotion. Anger helped me navigate and still does to this day what is going on inside me. It shows me my boundaries, and that is why feeling emotions is so important, because imagine that anger sitting there. Eating me alive, slowly decaying in my liver until one day I wind up with cancer. 

So I want you to meditate, feel into the unknown. Distractions will be tempting, they may even be welcomed but growth doesn’t happen in the comfort of your fuzzy socks and pajamas, it happens barefoot, walking on coals. Not knowing if you will burn your feet, walking amongst the embers. That is why getting comfortable with the uncomfortable should be your motto. Otherwise you will just continue to live in the stagnation, the stuckness, or the close minded bs you call your life. Is that something you want? 

Today was a 7.