Questions

We don’t learn from the answers, but the questions we ask. When it came to me learning massage it wasn’t the answers that truly helped me learn, it was always me questioning things. I could remember answers like no one’s business but to actually give you the details of how I know, well that is why questions give you more then answers ever will. 

Many times we ask people how are you doing, the response is fine, good, great, and whatever they chose to answer the question. But that type of question is a vague greeting rather than a soulful encounter. We tend to be superficial and we lack the depth or conversational cornerstones to create a deeper type of dialogue. That type of superficiality creates a world of people looking okay on there surface but behind closed doors theirs depression, sadness, suicide, hurt, pain and so on. We allow how are you doing to be this okay encounter along with many others than actually take the time to talk to other people. 

What are some great questions you like to ask someone? Me I love to ask what people do, and then I take it one step further, I ask them if they are hiring. Most the time I ask that just in case I know someone who is looking, but a lot of times they tend to go into more detail about what it is they do, and when they answer I ask what schooling you need or credentials. This allows me to understand my clients better, what their days consist of and the type of person I am working with. If someone shows excitement I know they have some joy in what they do. If it sounds like they are dragging in their expressions then I steer the conversation to points that make them happy in what they do. What sparks your joy in your career is the ultimate meaning of my questions. 

I think that if I lead with okay what sparks joy in your career, it would overload them. It’s a loaded question and most people have to really think about what brings them joy in what they do. So I lead with those other questions to understand what it is they do, how they got there and listen to the tone and energy of their voice to help guide me. Allowing them to slowly start up to the big questions get their brains already firing and in thoughtful mode. When you bombard someone with a question like “how are you,” it may seem like a superficial greeting now but it’s a loaded question, we get a simplistic answer because it’s easier then stating everything going on. 

So when greeting someone we should change the way we approach it, perhaps elaborate on the how are you with a follow up question, “What makes your day great today? Or if it’s fine what can we do to make it great?” I think following it up will help them think about the present instead of being in their head thinking of all the places they would rather be than here, or off doing chores or anything else, unless they are happy being where they are. Learning how to converse with others is so important to our own growth, we gain insights into how we speak, our agreements, our disagreements, if we avoid conflict, if we stand our ground. Conversations are amazing ways to help the flow of creativity to keep flowing. It sparks our imagination by asking question and listening to others. 

So what could you do differently when approaching others you haven’t really spoken to before? What types of questions could you ask them to lighten the lack of chemistry or the energetic wall they put up? What are some questions you would like to be asked if approached about your life? Try using those questions on others. Start small then go into the deeper questions, give them time to warm up to the idea of being questioned and opening up. Not everyone is an open book, sometimes you have to ask the right questions in order to get an answer you want. If it’s not right ask it a different way. 

Today was a 7.