My Dear Letter

I have been reading the book “You are a badass at making money” by Jen Sincero and there is a part where you write a letter as if money was a person. Now this in theory can be applied to any person or thing in your life. I find this to be extremely healing. I have written letters to people in the past and sometimes I give it to the person or I don’t and I burn it. 

Now does that help? Actually the best letter I wrote was on thin piece of wood. It was the first letter I wrote over 2 years ago. This letter was written as a way of me releasing my anger, my sadness, my hurt, and as I poured the words to paper I cried and released them. This was extremely helpful for me to validate myself and know it was okay to feel those things. After writing things down, filling the board I looked back on my work and felt liberated for a minute. Then the real fun came, I went outside and smash that piece of wood. Jumping up and down on it, breaking all the pieces into tinier pieces. I truly allowed myself to feel the anger, the sadness now. You see I use to block myself from feeling anything. I would stuff it down deep in my body and I became so disassociated from what I was feeling I never knew what it was. The pain I use to feel in my body was surreal and I just always felt sick. Like I was plagued by something and that something was wrong with me. But that letter was so unbelievably healing for me because what happened after.

Now it’s not an overnight fix all cure. Just know it is going to unravel things for you in a very beautiful way but long. Over the 2 years since that letter I put up boundaries for myself when it came to family and friends. I learned to use my voice and speak my truth, and I empowered myself to become genuinely me. Anytime I feel something come up for myself I write it down and sometimes I am able to release it other times I have to sit with it further because it might only be scratching the surface of the hidden truth. I have written a few more letters since then, and have found my ability to stand up for myself and air my grievances. That first letter was so powerful because it was felt so fiercely for that inner child, for me now that I was able to pull back and be like oh shit, I am no longer accepting this as my reality. 

So I challenge you if you have something that is unresolved write a letter. You don’t have to make it pretty, or nice, make it raw and brutal. Speak your absolute truth 100%. I want it to be fueled with whatever it is. Eloquence is not at all necessary, this is not poetry time. This is fight your fucking demons time and you need to harness that inner grit and wrath and step the fuck up for yourself. If you like the idea of writing on wood and stomping the shit outta it then do it. If you want to light it on fire and have a bonfire in your back yard with the remains of yesteryear do it. Whatever is going to allow you to truly feel those words, because once you feel them I bet you will never want to allow yourself to ever again. This is where you find your worth, by taking this energy you let someone else have of you and expelling it. This oppurtunity will allow you to re-read what is happening. Look at it closely after, is there a love hate relationship? Is there just a desperation? Is there a longing for? Once you look at that, what will that tell you? Who will you be after the desperation? Will you continue that path or will you realize you give yourself away, you de-value you. You take that part of you that is self love, purity and worth and send it out to the very thing that destroys it. Is that where you want to be anymore? 

I am going to write my letter tonight or tomorrow to money. I am excited and nervous to learn what my relationship looks like with it on paper. Because you can think you know something, but when you actually get to see it on paper how deep the rabbit hole is, you realize your thoughts block you from the truth. I hope you do this letter for yourself and truly allow yourself to move forward. I am here for you if you need me. I know it can be difficult, and if you need support please reach out and I will be there in whatever way I can. Change is hard, but transformation is worth it! 

Today started at a 5 but went up to a 9 by mid morning. Just sluggish start.