Control
We are never in control of anything outside of us. We try so hard to cling to the fact that we can, but ultimately this leads us to getting frustrated or spiraling out. The only thing you can control is yourself. From what you do, to what you think, to what you feel to what you ingest. Those are the only things that you have any control over, you.
To feel you are in control is just an illusion. A fantasy that has strict guidelines and codes accustomed to you. These codes never go to how you would like them to and every time you try so fiercely to gain a sense of control you actually lose it more. The harder you cling to the belief you can control the weather, what others do, what’s happening in the external environment the more you upset your own status quo of how things should be. Knowing this we cling anyways. We try harder to make everything go according to the plan, why?
Because we don’t feel any control in ourselves. You would like to think that you are on top of everything, that oh look at me I have all my shit together. But the truth is when you have this deep need to control something or others thats when you have a lack of control within yourself. That is when the real work begins. Finding out what’s going on, tackling all the information you feel. Maybe it’s your diet, you are causing so much inflammation because of the inflammatory foods you eat that your liver is getting taxed and unable to assist in your gut health. Or maybe you have emotions swirling around you like a twister and you are unable to grasp at any of them. Maybe you have your inner voices telling you all these negative things, blaming others for them or outside of yourself because it couldn’t possibly be your responsibility, could it? Of course it is. No on can make you feel anything. That is your choice, and thank god for free will right? Or maybe it’s a combination of some or all those things. We crave control because it is a band-aid against change. In feeling powerful and supreme in our own worlds. It is a way to combat the world and all the feelings we hide behind to prove to others or ourselves that we matter, that we have a point to our existence.
How do you combat this deep need to be in control? “You have to give up, you have to let the chips fall where they may. Once you lose everything you are free to do anything. “ Tyler Durden. But in a sense yes. You have to look inside yourself and ask yourself why do I need to control things? What does control cover up for me that I don’t face? Is it a fear of mortality, or fear of being weak? Fear of failure? Does my need to control have anything to do with fears? This is when you have to be silent and listen to yourself. You may not get the answers the first time, or the second. But be persistent. Be as persistent as you are when you are trying to control something, because getting to know yourself takes practice. You don’t know how to treat your body right if you haven’t ever learned what foods are healing? You don’t know how to approach emotions if you have been told to bottle them up? Allow yourself 1% everyday to tap into yourself and discover what it is you really need. Take the control back by putting it into the work of self, instead of outside the self. Practice everyday creates great success.
Like for me lately I get angry every time I try to work out. Why? Because my nutrition has been taxing my liver. It has been leaving me low and feeling drained and when I work out my adrenals have to over produce adrenaline to push me through. I know now why I get angry and what I am doing to counterbalance this is controlling what goes in my body. Yesterday I put this theory to the test by ingesting tacos. Today I felt like crap because I ate super fatty, salty, grease and that sludge is sitting inside me. It’s as simple as this, looking at one aspect of your life and trying to understand your own part in it. I wanted to understand my emotional component for working out in a rage and it came down to the fact of my nutrition. How about you what aspect of your life would you like to look into? Don’t know? Okay lets try this, what aspects outside of yourself do you need to control everyday? Is it people? A situation? A place? Look at what’s outside you to help guide you inside. Like say you are being controlling over someone. Maybe you feel you have to do that because what ever they have you want to possess? Maybe the things about this person that you are not you are trying to control because you want to feel that way yourself? Play detective into your own life. See where the pieces fall together and give yourself the time to do this. Because you are worth it.
Today I am at a 6. Feeling good.